


Expensive Mistakes

by Reyloalldaylo



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ep IX, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, after the last jedi, really slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-04-28 00:45:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14437800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reyloalldaylo/pseuds/Reyloalldaylo
Summary: This fanfic picks up right after The Last Jedi.  Rey and Kylo's force bond is growing stronger despite the lack of influence from Snoke. All the while, the First Order plans their next move, and the Resistance plans their rebuttal."My past has tasted bitterFor years nowSo I wield an iron fistGrace is just weaknessOr so I've been toldI've been cold, I've been mercilessBut the blood on my hands scares me to deathMaybe I'm waking up today"-I'll Be Good by Jaymes Young





	1. Hands

   The resistance soared away from the blood-salt planet, the bittersweet victory permeating the air. Rey was embraced by the souls that she had lost so much to protect, and it reminded her that even though so many lives were lost, the rebellion was stronger than it had ever been.  
Everyone had something to say about the last 24 hours, which resulted mostly in copious laughing and talking excitedly over one another. She smiled through every second, and soaked in the joy as it radiated through the Millenium Falcon.

     “Look what you’ve created,” Rey whispered to Leia as they came around for another hug.

     The general placed her hands on either side of her face, “No, dear. The light was here long before me. I take no credit. You, however, should be so proud.” The touch tingled slightly, and Rey was reminded of another time she came into contact with a Solo’s hands. She pushed the thought out of her mind, and forced herself to soak in Leia’s words instead. Proud was something she never thought she would be, but in this seemingly invincible moment, she had to restrain herself from puffing out her chest in pride.

     As the general released her, she caught Poe avidly chatting with Lieutenant Connix in her peripheral vision. The pilot laughed loudly at something she said, and BB-8 nudged his calf. The astromech was obviously irritated with something he had done.

     “What?” Rey heard him croon to his little pal. BB-8 responded with a series of beeps asking Poe why he hadn’t noticed that he had new dents and scratches from his recent adventures with Finn and Rose. Poe immediately turned away from Connix, and knelt down to his droids level with a worried look on his face.

     “Are you ok, buddy? Did they hurt you?” Poe seemed frenzied, and BB-8 proudly recounted the tale of Canto Byte.  
Rey listened intently. She had been unaware of everything that had happened while she was on Ach-to. The droid went on to talk about Rose and her bravery, and Rey glanced over at Finn hovering over a small unconscious woman. Rey noticed his hand on hers and was intrigued. The intensity of his gaze was something she’d only seen on him when they were in the forest on the Starkiller Base. Determination.

     She made her way over to her first friend, and placed a hand on his shoulder, “I hear she was very brave, and that you were very very stupid.”

     “Stupid? I was trying to save the Resistance! Why does no one understand that? I was just doing what I had to. If she had just let me go…”

     “You were going to die, Finn. You’re no good to the rebellion if you are dead.”

     “I would have destroyed the canon. Would that not have been good enough? I could’ve helped.”

     Rey chuckled at his serious response, “Finn, we survived despite that. And we will do it again. Without you sacrificing yourself.”

     “I’ll do what I have to do, but that may mean sacrifice. I can commit to that.”

     Rey blinked at his intense response. Finn was always a passionate person. He often struggled to see the grey area. It was either all in or all out.

     “I know you can, Finn, but we’d all much rather have you alive. I’m sure she would agree,” she said pointing at Rose. Guilt flooded his eyes, and he turned back to gazing at the mechanic. “Hey, she’s going to be ok. You were just doing what you thought was right, but now we know that maybe in this instance you were wrong.” Rey saw everyone gathering in the common area finding places to sit, and creating a sort of circle. She pulled Finn’s elbow, “C’mon, join us.” He followed reluctantly, but was greeted by a dozen smiles as he lowered himself to sit on the floor in front of Poe and Connix.

     After hours of recounting the stories and rejoicing with her friends, she was spent. The weight of the world came down, crumbling the minute energy she had left.

     Sleep. She needed to sleep. Rey made her way to her room, and landed onto her cot with a thud. She could feel the grime and the sweat that had dried to her skin and clothing, but didn’t care. Sleeping was all that mattered.

     Rey closed her eyes. She could still hear her friends muffled celebrations mixed with the sounds of the Falcon coasting through the stars. There was nothing left in her to grieve the past, so she forced herself to think about the future instead. A beautiful future with all of her new family around her. The future that she had seen in the vision. They were all alive, and sitting around a fire. She leaned her head over and it landed on his big shoulder. Ben smiled and poked at the fire with a stick as Poe told stories of galactic ghost pirates. Rey was at peace. It was a nice thought, but as she started to doze, her dreams reminded her of the more pressing realities of the past.

     Images splattered themselves across her vision one by one. The mirror. Jakku. Tie fighters exploding as they tumbled to the ground. The rocks floating high above her head. The Millenium Falcon. The sacred Jedi texts. Snoke’s body split in half by Ben’s Lightsaber. Ben. The way he looked crumpled to the floor as she left him.

     She startled awake. Shaking her head as if that would remove the image from her mind, she noticed that she had tears running across the bridge of her nose from lying on her side. Rey knew she had made the right decision, but the sickness she felt in the lowest part of her stomach had her second-guessing closing that door.

     As the past few days came back to her, so did the sobs. Her body heaved as she released the weeks of emotions that she had held in. The loss and the trauma began to take effect, and she recounted it all leaving nothing left to cry over later. Sliding to the floor in an effort to find stability, she wrapped her arms around her stomach and doubled over from the intensity of it. So buried in her own grief and pain, she barely even noticed that she was no longer alone. Through blurry eyes she saw him, directly in front of her, in the same position. Only he hadn’t noticed her yet.

     Rey stifled the next sob, “…Ben.” It was a statement full of understanding, and needing no response. He must have known this because he didn’t look up. He didn’t acknowledge her presence. Placing his face in his hands, he broke down even more. Rey couldn’t keep her gaze off of him as the tears continued to roll down her cheeks, spurred on by the sight of him this way.

     Guilt hit her like a three-ton pod racer. She shouldn’t have left him that way. He didn’t deserve to have a door slammed in his face like that. Between the hiccups she managed to say, “I’m so sorry, Ben…” She then crumpled back in on herself, her face inches from the ground. She could no longer stand to look at him, not because she didn’t like to look at him, but because it hurt too much to see him this broken.  
A few minutes went by like this, however it felt like years, and suddenly her face was being lifted up. The fire under her chin was gentle but raging, and it took all too long to realize that Ben’s hand was creating that fire. Her jaw became involuntarily parallel to the ground, and confusion and tears delayed her eyes for a moment. His face, inches from hers, looked just as crushed as she felt. His eyes bore straight into hers. They pleaded, but she couldn’t read what they were trying to beg of her.

     His lips trembled for a moment as if about to say something, but not having the words yet. Rey’s resolve melted, as she watched him struggle to even speak to her. Suddenly, he flickered out of view.

     “No!” She shouted, realizing too late that it was out loud. Moments later, she heard a frantic knock.

     Finn’s voice was muffled as it tried to reach her through the glass and metal of the door, “Rey? You ok? Can I come in?”

     “I’m fine.”

     “You don’t sound fine. Are you sure?” He tried again.

     “Just a bad dream, I’m going back to sleep now!” She tried not to sound harsh, but she really didn’t want company at the moment, her chin still burned from the memory of his touch, and she didn’t feel like explaining the puffy eyes.

     “Ok! Let me know if you need anything!” She waited a moment as he left, then pulled herself back up onto the cot. It didn’t take long for her to doze again, and this time, it was a dreamless sleep.

     Meanwhile, Kylo was having no such luck. After staring at where she was just moments before, he pulled himself off of the floor. He kicked the metal wall of his ship so many times that the grey paint started to chip off. Pacing his quarters, he found himself somewhere in between wanting to tear his hair out of his head and wanting to just lay on the cold metal floor and die. He chose neither, not because those weren’t both still valid options, but because a new idea had come to fruition.

     He calmed himself, hoping to regain some composure, and sat down crossing his legs. Kylo’s eyes closed, and his determination filled the room. He thought of Rey. His Rey. The patient, understanding, lonely girl, who was stronger and braver than he could ever be. Hoping to will a connection into existence. If he could just see her again, he could tell her that she didn’t have to apologize. That it was never her fault. The room shifted, and there she was, asleep. Beautiful, and at peace. The gentlest snore escaped her in a rhythm that made his heart beat faster. Then faster. Her eyes fluttered, and he could hear it in his chest. This wasn’t right. Spots appeared in front of him, as he struggled to keep the connection. His heart beat louder than her snores now, and a pain in his head and chest had him gasping for air. The connection broke, and his vision went dark.


	2. Souls and Sabers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The resistance works toward a new plan, and another force-bond opens at an inopportune moment.

     Murmurs of a new base circled the Millenium Falcon. Rey spent most of her time with Leia trying to formulate a plan. Still Ben lingered in her mind. Sometimes she could sense him but was never able to see him. She felt his strongest emotions. His pain. His anger. His conflict. However, people were counting on her to get them out of range of the First Order.  She didn’t have time to address the magno-charge of feelings weighing her down.

     “What about there? It’s completely deserted. We could set up camp without fear of putting anyone at risk.” Rey said pointing at a holographic map. Her touch expanded the image to show a small, white planet. Leia shook her head, an intense concentration on her face, “Sybeera,” she read off the screen, “No, that wouldn’t work. It’s too obvious. The First Order would expect us to steer clear of civilians. They know we wouldn’t want to endanger the innocent like that.”

     Poe slammed his hands on the table causing the hologram to flicker, “We can’t put a target on the civilians solely because it’s unpredictable. You’ve seen the weapons that the First Order produces. They have destroyed entire planets. We can’t risk that!” Poe was shaking under his words. The hours of contemplating options had taken its toll on the impulsive pilot.

     “He’s right,” Finn interjected, “we can’t do that to innocent people. They have weapons beyond our comprehension just waiting to be pulled out. All it takes is one hard hit, and the resistance meets its end. All hope lost.”

     Leia scowled at him, “You think our death would actually end the resistance? The light will always be there to resist the dark,” she paused. The tension in the room was only broken by the subtle mechanical sounds of the Millennium Falcon working them toward their goal. After what felt like an eternity, she begrudgingly stated, “However, I can’t stand to see any more death, and it seems that going with the obvious could work in our favor. I would hope that the First Order would expect more from us in terms of strategic planning.”

     She never said “Kylo Ren” when she referred to the First Order, however you could see it in her eyes.

     “So we are back to this one, then,” Rey stated again pointing back at Sybeera, and there seemed to be a consensus amongst the group. They were all examining their future home when she felt a familiar prickling along her spine. She flung herself across the table for the controls and shut down the hologram with one smack of her palm to the power button. Her sudden movements made everyone jump backward.

     “What the-“ Poe stammered.

     “Sorry…I…” Rey struggled for an excuse for her behavior still half lying on the console, “I thought I saw something…”

     “What did you see?” Finn half yelled still in shock from the abruptness of it all.

     “I’m not sure…”

     Leia looked unconvinced, “Rey?” The general bored into her soul with her eyes, “What did you see?”

     Flustered by the dark figure at the corner of the room, Rey could only respond with a, “Maybe it was my imagination…”

     Once again Leia was completely unconvinced. Her eyes moved around the room, and Rey could have sworn her gaze slowed where he stood. “I think you need to rest,” she finally breathed, “seeing things is usually not a good sign.”

     Relieved, Rey nodded and said, “Okay…yeah…so, if anybody needs me, that’s where I will be. In my room. Resting. Okay.”

     They all stared while she made her extremely awkward exit. As she hurried down the corridor, she assumed that Ben had gotten the hint to follow her, but couldn’t hear his heavy footsteps. It wasn’t until she was entering her room that he turned the corner to meet her. His cape billowed behind him as he walked past her. She spun to face him as the door shut.

     “What did you see?”

     He sensed her anger. Anger at him? He was unsure. He could see her surroundings now. Somehow even in the wake of Snoke’s death the force-bond had grown stronger. Looking around and slowly stepping across the room, he took in his environment. Familiar rusted metal and dim lighting. An uneasy feeling formed in the pit of his stomach.

     “I hate this ship” It was all he could think to say as his gaze still roamed the familiar room.

     She stared at him waiting for more, blissfully unaware that his hatred of the Millenium Falcon was rooted in his childhood. When his gaze caught hers, he judged just how unsatisfactory his answer was. There wasn’t a bit of sympathy in her eyes, and it hurt him to know that she was so far from understanding. His expression hardened as he finally retorted, “I could ask you the same thing. What did you see that seemed to scare you so much?”

     “You shouldn’t be here right now, Ben. This is not how this is supposed to go!” He twitched when she said his name, especially when she said it with so much venom.

     “Well, I will just leave then,” he said decidedly, knowing full well that he had no control over the connection.

     Rey gritted her teeth and seethed out, “Fine!”

     He closed his eyes taking in her rejection. The look on her face burned on the back of his eyelids and pierced through him like a thousand lightsabers. “Yeah? Monster? Murderous Snake? I get it. How about I walk down the hall and eavesdrop. Maybe they can answer some of my questions!” He clenched his fists, and the leather of his gloves rubbed against itself. He wasn’t even sure if that is how the Force-bond worked, but neither was she.

     “No!”

     “That’s what I thought. Don’t worry. I didn’t see anything. But I’m done listening to insults,” he snapped, sitting down on the floor. He pulled out his lightsaber and began fiddling with it.

     “How do I know you are telling the truth?” He didn’t answer, and just continued to disassemble his saber. Rey found herself intrigued by how he expertly separated the parts and laid them out. However, she still needed an answer. She huffed, “C’mon, Ben. The silent treatment? Have we stooped so low?”

     Without taking his eyes off of his project, he muttered, “I won’t talk to you if you don’t trust me.” He blew inside one of the smaller pieces as if to dust it off, and then proceeded to examine it very closely. Setting the small piece on his knee very delicately, he removed one of his gloves, and began to use his fingernail to get into the small cracks in the piece. He was cleaning it. Rey was mesmerized by the meticulousness, and didn’t realize she was staring until his eyes darted up, “So…do you?”

     “Do I what?” The tiniest hint of a smile hit one corner of his mouth. He blew on the small piece once more, never breaking eye contact. “Trust me?”

     Rey felt herself losing momentum, “I mean…I guess…It’s just that…” His eyebrows raised as he waited for her answer.

     “Fine,” she finally deduced.

     “Fine?”

     “Fine.”

     He set the tiny piece down, “I ask if you trust me, and that’s your response? Fine?”

     She took a deep breath, and lowered herself to sit across from him. His arm reached out to stop her as if protecting his masterpiece from being ruined, but she was very careful not to bump any of the beautifully arranged saber parts. As she looked into his tired eyes, she saw remnants of tears that had formed but had not fallen. Rey began to recall everything that he had done for her and concluded more firmly this time, “Ben, I would trust you with my life.”

     His eyes closed, soaking in the sound of those words. He opened them once more, and they had softened. They didn’t know how long they had until the connection broke, but Rey realized she was actually fond of his company. Ben continued to neurotically clean his lightsaber while they bounced conversation off of each other.

     Desperate to know more about her, Ben asked, “So, on Jakku, where did you live all by yourself?”

     “In a broken down AT-AT…It wasn’t much. I had basically gutted it for parts, but it was big enough, and provided enough shelter,” she said, watching his every move.

     “Aaah, yes. Scavenger Rey. I almost forgot,” he said with a glint of amusement in his eyes at the thought.

     Instantly defensive, Rey retorted, “I had to survive. It was the easiest way to get food! And don’t call me that!”

     He held up his hand, “I didn’t realize it was a sore subject. I just can’t visualize it. You are always so tough. I can’t imagine you as a measly scavenger.”

     She straightened up and defended, “Scavengers aren’t measly, Ben. In fact, scavengers are forced to be tougher because they have to fight for their survival.”

     He smirked, and his eyes locked onto hers, “I swear, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

     He began to put his saber back together. His hands moving far too fast for most anyone to follow. It was as if he had challenged himself to put it together as fast as he could. And before she could get another word out he had assembled it, and turned it on. Rey gawked at the sudden glow, completely in awe of him. He gave it a few good swishes to his right, turned it back off, and then once again began disassembling.

     She couldn’t stand it anymore, “Why take it apart again? You know it’s clean. It works beautifully.”

     He laid the pieces of his saber out in the exact same places they were before. Rey had memorized their positioning. Placing his hands on his knees, he playfully commanded, “Your turn.”

     “Me?” He cocked his head to the side, and a thick lock of hair fell into his face, “No, the Ewok standing behind you. Yes, you!” Rey looked unsure, and Ben’s smirk grew. An impatient fire lit in his eyes. “I know you were watching. Feel it, scavenger.”

     Rey hesitantly picked up the pieces, and began fitting them together. Her face twisted in concentration as she stared at the assortment of metallic nothings in front of her. She picked up a tiny metal rod, and after some consideration, put it back. She then picked up the correct piece, and connected it with less hesitation. She was much slower than Ben, but Rey was extremely mechanically inclined. She managed to combine the pieces accurately, but with much more thought. This went on for some time while she recalled the steps one-by-one. Ben, with his lips slightly parted in bated breath, watched closely for any mistakes.

     Finally, she held up the completed weapon.

     “Turn it on,” he nodded to her. Rey nervously pushed the button and the same red glow came into sight. After a few of her own triumphant swishes, she turned it back off.

     Pride filled her when she saw Ben gazing at her like the coolest person in the whole galaxy. He held out his hand to take his saber, but was instead barreled over by the most enthusiastic hug he had ever encountered. In fact, it was probably the only hug he could even recall in his adult life. His body lit up against hers, but only for a moment.

     Rey felt herself fall, and the saber vanished from her hand. She was startled to find herself on the cold floor, alone.

     On the other side of the galaxy, Ben was on his back in his quarters. He soaked in the memory of her tackling him, and the feeling of her body pressed against his. The vision of her crouching over the pieces of his lightsaber teased his thoughts. He imagined Jakku. Her. The AT-AT. Him. Peace flooded his mind, and for the first time in days, he truly slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lightsaber scene was something I wanted to write for a while, and I'm glad it came off the way it did. I swear this fic is writing itself. I'm just doing the typing. Thanks for reading more! I will keep working on the next chapter for you! <3


	3. Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo struggles to maintain his image as Supreme Leader, while Rey is on the Falcon struggling with her own effects on the resistance.

     Ben thought of her constantly. The way her hair fell over her cheeks when she looked down. The way she opened up to him sitting on the floor of his father’s old ship. Her eyes glowing when she turned on the lightsaber.  He was in a daze, and he feared that people were starting to catch on. 

     “Supreme Leader Kylo Ren,” Hux’s slimy voice grated Ben’s ears from what felt like an incredible distance.

     He glanced up, realizing all of a sudden that he had an audience.  Hux had approached with a raggedy looking couple. Their clothes, sand colored and old, reminded him of Rey’s. Once again his mind wandered to that night.

     “Supreme Leader…” persisted Hux.

     Kylo darkened, “What do you want?”

     Hux looked irritated, but he exhaled, “These people were found on the planet Ashbantha.  One of your spies has been watching the city of Bungote, and brought us these hostages. He said they had these around their necks,” he hissed, holding up two medallions with symbols of the resistance. “He also says that there are more…many more.  The city is crawling with paraphernalia.  He believes that the rebels may be using it as their new base.”

     Ben knew that there was no way that they had settled somewhere yet.  This was his opportunity to define his place as Supreme Leader without threatening Rey’s life. He made his decision. “Kill them all. I want that planet destroyed.  We will take our best ships, and drop bombs.  Nothing left upright.”  The two hostages whimpered.  He turned his head toward them,  “Unless they would be willing renounce the resistance…” They looked down, refusing to make eye contact. “Didn’t think so.”  Kylo Ren nodded to his second in command to move forward with the plan.

     Hux looked unimpressed, but promptly obliged.  He took the prisoners to their cells and began preparing his army for the massacre.

     Lightyears away, Leia hovered over the control panel of the Millenium Falcon alone.  Heavy hearted, she ran her fingers along Han’s old chair.  Talking to the air, she whispered, “Our son is coming back…I feel it.” Silence.  She paused as if waiting for his answer.  She felt Rey enter the room, but continued to talk,  “Ben was here.  I don’t know why, but he was here for her.”

     Rey froze.  Leia knew. Relief settled in her, and the scavenger finally spoke. “He’s moving, general.”

     “I know,” she replied after a brief pause.  The words sent a chill down her spine. 

     Rey pressed on, “I don’t know what he’s doing, but I feel it.  His conflict.  I feel Kylo Ren taking over.  If we can just figure out his plan, maybe we could stop him.  I think that I cou-”

     “No.”

      Taken aback, Rey retorted, “There’s so much good in him, general.  I’ve seen it, and I believe in him.  Ben is not lost for good.  I’m telling you he-”

     “I said no,” she demanded, pain on her lips.  Whirling around to face Rey, she continued, “We aren’t strong enough. We can’t risk what we have here. The resistance counts on us to survive.” Leia’s scowl reflected more than just her demands.  It reflected the decades of great loss. 

     “I know you saw him,” her voice rose. “What if I used the connection to talk to Kylo Ren?  I could convince him to put a stop to his plans.”

     Leia’s eyes hardened. “Be careful, Rey.  A force bond is a beautiful thing, but not everyone would be so understanding of you having an uncontrollable connection to our enemy.  If I were you, I would keep my voice down.”

     Rey lowered her gaze.  Suddenly she understood Poe’s desire to debate everything that the general said. 

     Leia moved closer, and declared, “We will continue on with the plans to put some distance between us and the First Order.  You, however, need to be very careful.  There is no telling what he will do if he figures out where we are going. If he hasn’t already, I mean.” The way that she hissed the last sentence broke something in Rey.  The woman, whose opinion she held so highly, had scolded her for her sloppiness in protecting the resistance.  She felt like a child, and had no rebuttal as the general exited. 

     Was Leia right? Was she unwittingly putting the entire resistance in danger? She felt her cheeks burn red at the thought.  A single tear made its way out of the corner of her eye despite her efforts to hold it back. 

     A stillness filled the air, and she blinked.  The tear slid down her face, and she felt him standing in front of her.

     “I’m sorry.  I’m doing what I have to do,” that silky, deep voice resonated through her.  She couldn’t bear to look up at him.  “I know you are upset, but, please, hear me out.”

     Rey sniffed, “It’s not you, Ben.”

     He was quiet for a minute, contemplating the idea of someone other than him upsetting her for once.  He thought it would be a relief, but instead, he was taken over by a low-rumbling anger. His finger lifted her chin, much like it did the first night after the battle of Crait.  Electricity.

     He stared deep into her eyes, and she couldn’t quite read what he was thinking. She was lost in his soul. His face hard, and his voice solid he asked, “Who?”

     She shook her head, and whispered, “You really don’t want to hear about it. Trust me.”

     His hand released her, and he gestured at the door, “Was it the stormtrooper? Because I swear to the Maker, he will pay.”

     “No…no…I’m just having a hard time.  I’m not very good at keeping these people safe.  I just think...It’s just that…” Ben waited for a legitimate answer from her, with wild eyes. “The bond complicates things…you know?”

     He straightened up, reminded that they were on opposing sides.  He lowered his face, and exhaled, “I see.”  After a few moments, he continued, “I guess it’s my turn to ask you what you know then.”

     She stared at him, “I only know that you are planning something big. Something…dark.” 

     “It’s true, and I need you to stay out of it,” he said, ending it there. 

     She scoffed at him.  How dare he? If this was a matter of the resistance, she absolutely would not.

     “Why? What are you planning?”

     “I’m doing what I have to do.  I told you that.  I need you to trust me, remember?”

     She stepped toward him.  His strength faltered under her gaze, and she spat, “How could I trust you when you don’t trust me?  Tell me your plans, Ben.  I will tell you whether they require my involvement or not.”

     “This is a matter of my survival in the First Order.  I don’t expect you to understand.”

     She was stunned that he would think her compassion was so small.  She responded, “I’ve shared my weakest moments with you, Ben Solo.  I can understand.  Just explain it to me.”

     He paused thoughtfully and responded, “What about this one?”

     “What do you mean?”

     “This weak moment.  You were crying, but you thought I wouldn’t want to know. You didn’t tell me who did it. I know you weren’t just sitting in the control room thinking about the issues concerning the force bond. Who triggered it, Rey?”

     She sighed and gave in, “Your mother.”

     His stunned silence filled every space in the room.  He was quiet for so long that she was absolutely certain he had gone into shock. 

     Rey replaced the quietness by explaining, “She knows about the bond. She can sense it.  She was just concerned that the safety of the resistance would be at risk, and warned me to be more careful.”

     “She expects way too much of people.  She puts her own pressure onto everyone around her regardless of the consequences.”

     She was caught off guard by his brash description of his mother’s flaw.  This was the first time she had heard anyone talk about her general in such a negative way. Instinctually, she wanted to defend Leia, but couldn’t find the words to do so.  He was right.  She did expect a lot of the people around her.

     He nodded, still inches from her.  His jaw clenched tight as he bored his gaze into the floor.  Ben was digging through old memories.  He wasn’t going to force them on her, but Rey could feel him offering his mind to her.  Offering images that he had so intensely blocked out himself.  She reached out with the force to accept them, seeing visions of Leia.  Not General Leia Organa, just Leia.  The mother. She sees her through his eyes as she kneels down to him, whispering, “You will do great things, my son.  You are going to change everything.  We are all counting on you.”  And with that, Luke began to lead the way up the mountain. Ben watched his parents take off in the Millenium Falcon with pains in his chest, and tears pouring down his cheeks.

     He ended the vision, looking at her with troubled eyes.  Rey struggled with her own feelings of abandonment, but pushed them down for him in this moment.

     “Ben…” she breathed, and there she was again.  Against him. Her arms had wrapped around him in another hug.  This time, she held one hand on his back, and the other had reached over his shoulders.  It was the kind of hug meant to reassure or comfort someone.  She stood on her tippy toes, and he still had to lean down to allow her head to sit atop his shoulder.  Their ears pressed together, and radiating warmth spread between them both.  He returned the hug, with both arms binding her by the waist. It was a moment that lasted a lifetime.

     He suddenly felt the need to share everything with her. His past. His future. His goals…

     He leaned away from the hug, never letting go of her waist.  Rey moved away as well, gazing into those dark eyes. Their bodies still pressed together, and his face was so close to hers that she could feel him breathing.

     “I’m bombing a city,” he blurted. 

     Her eyes widened, hoping that it was a saying or something. “What does that mean?” The alarm in her voice brought Ben back to the surface. He realized he probably shouldn’t have said that.

     His huge shoulders shrugged, “Well…I have to keep an image…”

     “You’re doing what?”

     “There’s this city…and they have a bunch of resistance paraphernalia everywhere. Hux thinks it’s your new base, so I have to destroy it.  That way he knows that I haven’t gone soft, but you stay safe…”

     “Where…when?”

     “I can’t tell you, and we are on our way now.  There is no way you would be able to stop them in time, anyway,” he continued as if this was negotiable.  She wriggled out of his arms, glaring at him.

     “How could you?”

     “Rey…”

     “All those innocent lives…”

     He put his hands up in defense, “Those lives aren’t innocent, Rey.  Those rebel symbols go against the First Order’s law.”

     “Don’t do this, Ben…”

     He looked heartbroken.  She didn’t understand. “But Rey, I’m doing this for you! So the resistance could get away!”

     She shook her head and hissed, “No, you’re doing this for you.”

     He flickered out of view, the connection breaking.  Rey stared at the empty space where he had stood.  Her heart raced as she racked her brain for what to do next. The thought of so many people dying to protect her had her reeling.

     She flew out of the control panel yelling, “GENERAL!”  Leia, mid-conversation with Chewy, spun to see a frenzied Rey.  “We need to talk!” 

     She grabbed Rey by the arm and led her back to her quarters. Organa barely had the door closed when she said, “Tell me everything you know.”

     “He’s going to bomb an entire city.  The fleet is on their way now with giant weapons, and they are going to kill everyone.”

     “Where?”

     “I don’t know.  He wouldn’t say.”

     “Rey, we have an entire galaxy of cities.  We need to find out.” She thought for a minute, searching for some kind of solution. “Have you ever tried projecting?”

     “No…”

     Leia straightened up, holding out her hand and glancing at the Jedi texts sprawled out on Rey's cot.

     “It’s time to learn.”

 


	4. Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren scrambles to maintain his role in the First Order, and Rey attempts to stop him from achieving his dark goal.

      Ben blinked as Rey disappeared.  He felt his lungs constrict when he began to comprehend what he had done. His entire plan was now at risk because of a girl.  There was no way for her to know where, though. At least he had kept that much to himself.  He rubbed his eyes until he saw stars behind his lids.

      He stood there mulling over the most recent force bond interaction, trying to remember every detail before it began to fade.

      On the Falcon, Leia was pushing Rey to her limits.

      “Feel it, Rey.  I know you have the power.  Our supporters are counting on you.”

      Sitting cross-legged on the floor, Rey cringed. “I’m trying.  This is too much, general.  I’m not trained for this!”

      Leia would not be stopped, however.  Rey had seen the inside of her son’s ship.  She was the only one who would be able to do this. “You can.  I know you can.  You just have to listen.  Just listen for anything that may lead us in the right direction.”

      Rey imagined herself traveling the skies for his ship.  She felt her spirit ripped from her body, dragging its way toward him.  It felt as though she was fighting against a pulled rubber band, the opposition getting stronger the farther she pulled. The stars surrounded her in the most impossible way.  She hovered in limbo, unable to quite reach him.  Rey reached her hand out and watched the galaxy ripple around her like water. She knew it wasn’t real, but she felt her spirit drowning in space.  She was buried under miles of starry ocean.  Still, she didn’t panic.  She searched for his voice. 

      “Good…hold the fleet at enough distance so their radars don’t track us. I want them caught off guard.  No one can escape.”

      “Yes, sir.”

      There voices barely audible through the thick layer of space-water between them.

      “Oh, and let the Bungotians watch.  I want them to see their world demolished before we execute them.”

      Rey gritted her teeth.  That was not her Ben. The stars began swirling around her. She found herself flung backwards, as if the elastic band that she had been pulling had finally pulled back.  She traveled at lightspeed back towards the Millennium.  Finally, she slammed against a wall with enough force to knock the wind out of her. It took her a minute to realize that her projection had been returned to her body. She hung there clutching her stomach.

      “Rey?  What did you see?”

      Panting and still trying to recover, Rey said, “I didn’t…I heard…Bungotia…”

      “Bungotia?”

      Rey nodded, catching her breath.

      “You must mean Bungote?  Ashbantha?”

      “What?”

      “Bungotia isn’t a place.  But Bungote is, and it’s a poor city. If they are attacked, they don’t have a means of defense…”

      Rey felt the floor fall out from under her, “General…we have to do something.”

      Leia paused, weighing her options. “You’re right.  How long do we have?”

      “Hours.  Maybe. He said they are holding the fleet out of range, so that they can surprise them.”

      Leia swept out of the room, and Rey pulled herself off the floor to follow her. Poe was walking the opposite direction in the hall until he saw the General marching towards the control room. Swiftly, he spun around and began following, “What’s happening?  I know that look, General.  Am I going to get to blow something up?”

      “I’m not sure, yet.  But yes, we are taking action.  Prepare for hyperdrive.”

      “Wooo!” Poe punched the air and ran ahead of them. 

      “What are we going to do, General?” Rey panted.

      “We have to stop those bombers before they reach the planet,” she said as she entered the control room.

      Poe was already in the captain’s chair flipping switches, “Where to?”

      “Ashbantha,” Leia said looking out the front window.

      Poe pressed buttons furiously.  Rey watched as he punched in their destination and prepared the engines for a jump. Before she knew it they were zooming through the galaxy at lightspeed, barreling toward the First Order’s fleet.

      She was overwhelmed suddenly by the idea of being so near him again.  If she had to kill him, would she be able to? She imagined him dead by her hands, and for a brief moment couldn’t breathe.  His body lying there, still and cold. That storm-cloud of hair hanging over his face so dark against his pale skin. The room was spinning again.

      “Rey?”

      Apparently, Finn had entered the room while she was lost in her own mind. 

      “Oh, sorry.  What?”

      “Are you ok?” He looked at her like she was an active bomb.

      She shrugged, “Fine.”

      “You’re shaking.”

      Rey didn’t realize that she had visibly begun shaking at the thought of Ben’s death. Leia turned to meet her gaze.  Compassion filled her eyes, and she approached Rey. 

      “It’s going to be ok,” she said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

      Rey was irritated by the attention.  She nodded and responded, “What’s the plan?”

      “Five minutes until we are in sight of them!” Poe announced.

      Finn looked panicked, “We can’t exactly just start shooting at them.  We have one rickety ship against the entire First Order bombing fleet!”

      “Rey,” Leia bored into her once more, “we have to get you on board that ship.” Her voice implied a fight.  Her eyes implied peace. Rey was terrified of either.

      “I…can’t…” she pleaded with the General, but she knew it was the only way.

      Finn jumped between them, “Don’t make her do this.  I know that ship better than anyone.  I will go.”

      Leia scowled at him, “No.  This is something that Rey has to do.  She knows that.”

      Rey nodded in understanding, and the ship lurched back to a crawl.  She found herself once again dreading the possibilities as the Finalizer came into view. Tie Bombers that were packing the heaviest artillery surrounded it. Reluctantly she spun on her heel and began her walk to the escape pod.  The familiar casket shaped vessel had been replaced by one that was similar, but significantly less old looking.  Still, it sent a chill down her spine, and she turned to find that Leia had followed her. 

      They shared no words as Rey began to lower herself into the pod.  It wasn’t until she was settled that Leia said, “You are going to change everything.  We are all counting on you.”  Before she could respond, the pod’s lid closed.  She felt her mouth hanging open at Leia’s use of the same phrase she had once used on Ben.  There was a sudden jolt of her vehicle as the Millenium Falcon released her. 

      The pod started drifting toward the Finalizer, possibly delivering her to her death.  Or his. She shuddered again as the images haunted her. 

      She hoped Ben would have sensed her coming, but her landing in the airlock brought that hope to a striking halt.  Surrounded by at least ten stormtroopers, her pod door opened. She sat up and bravely commanded to the group, “I wish to speak to your Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren.”

      A laugh echoed from behind the troopers.  It was a dry, nasally laugh.  She knew from conversations with Ben that it could only be one person. He wormed his way in between two troopers, and smiled down on her. 

      “Well, if it isn’t the sand rat,” Hux said mockingly.

      Rey’s determination heightened, “Take me to Kylo Ren.”

      “Yeah, he’s a bit busy.  You know he’s the Supreme Leader, and does so many important things.  We wouldn’t want to disturb him.”  This he also said in a sarcastic tone.  She sensed his bitterness, and was suddenly aware of why Ben hated this man so much. 

      Sitting up and staring directly into his eyes, Rey used the force. “You will order your troopers to stand down, and you will escort me to Kylo Ren.”

      Hux’s eyes glazed over as her gift made him putty.  He declared to his stormtroopers, “Stand down.” They lowered their guns, and Rey hastily climbed out of the escape pod.  Hux spun away from her and began leading her to her destination. 

      Rey’s heart pounded in her chest with every step they took.  She remembered the last time she was standing in front of Ben in person.  He was crumpled on the floor after they had destroyed Luke’s old lightsaber.  She had made sure that he was safe from falling debris, and that his cross-hilted saber was on his hip.  Rey remembered how badly she had wanted to stay with him until he came to, but she had obligations.  People were counting on her. 

      Rey found herself being led into the control room.  With Hux standing in front of her, it took her a moment to glimpse that familiar silhouette standing in the large room.  Her breath escaped her.  He hadn’t turned around yet, but his black hair, long and flowing, nearly blended into his dark ensemble.

      Hux cleared his throat, “Sir, you have a visitor requesting permission to speak with you.”

      His voice, though distracted, sounded stronger than she had heard it in far too long, “Tell them that I’m busy.  I don’t have time to chat unless it’s a matter of life and death.” 

      Rey inhaled finally, and firmly declared, “It is.”  She was actually impressed by how defined her own voice sounded. She half expected it to come out shaky and uncertain. 

      He turned around, and she finally saw that face.  But it wasn’t the face of the man she put a lightsaber together with. It was the face of Kylo Ren. Before she could respond, he was sweeping across the room toward her.  He grabbed her arm above the elbow leading her out of the control room.  His grip was tight and unforgiving.  His touch sent shockwaves through her, and suddenly she could feel everything he felt.  Anger.  Disappointment. Fear. So much fear.

      She could have ripped her arm away from him at any moment, but the fear kept her from doing so.  His wild, untamable emotions made her afraid of pulling away from him. They turned a corner and stepped into a dark room.  It was mostly empty except for a large bed, and a grey desk against the wall. Papers were haphazardly strewn about the floor.  Some of them were balled up or torn, and there were several small piles lying closest to the desk.  The only reason she could even see any of this was because of the single lamp resting on top of the littered furniture. 

      He released her, and she heard him lock the door.  Rey spun around and looked up at him.  His tall, muscular frame would intimidate most people, but she knew better.  He was breathing rapidly, and bore into her eyes with his.

      “You’re here,” he said.  It sounded almost like a question.  As if he couldn’t believe that she was actually standing in front of him.

      Rey found herself distracted by her surroundings again as she asked, “Is this…your room?”

      He looked surprised that this was what she wanted to talk about.  But he complied, “Yes.  It’s safest here.  So go on. Say what you were sent here to say.”

      “Sent here?” She felt herself getting irritated.

      He rolled his eyes, “Are you trying to tell me that right before I’m about to destroy a town of Rebel supporters, you show up, and I’m just supposed to assume that it’s a friendly coincidence?”

      Rey, though no longer happy to see him, understood his point.  “Fine,” she stated, and his expression remained solid. “Don’t do this.”

      “Continue…” he pushed.  That’s when Rey realized that she really didn’t have a plan. 

      “Please, you don’t have to do this.  You don’t have to prove yourself like this.”

      He stared unwavering at her poorly constructed speech.  She had to come up with a plan.  Fast.

      She took a few steps toward him, and he was caught off-guard by her proximity. His gaze softened, and once again she sensed fear as she demanded, “If you decide to do this, I will be down there. I will be doing everything in my power to save anyone that I can.  If that means that I die down there protecting what I love, then I’m honored to do so.”

      He winced slightly at that last bit.  She could see his mind working, and searching for a response. 

      He whispered, “No.”

      “That’s not your choice.  Unless you call this whole thing off.”

      His voice grew in strength, “No.”

      “Fine.  I have to go. We only have so much time,” Rey decided. She had just moved to get around him to the door, when his hand grasped her arm again stopping her in her tracks. 

      He spun her around again to face him, and pulled her in with a grip just short of knocking the wind out of her.  Then, all of a sudden, her face was against his. His mouth pressed against hers in a desperate attempt to be as close to her as he could.  His body relaxed into it, as she began to kiss back. Her fingers found their way into his hair, and she used her strength to keep him on her.  Her mind focused only on his lips against hers.

      When they finally broke apart, his arms released her.  He looked at her with a horrifying sadness in his eyes, “I’m so sorry.”

      She smiled at him. Coming out of a blissful stupor, she crooned, “You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

      He cringed and responded, “Yes…I do.”  Then, moving faster than she had time to comprehend, he pushed her with so much force that she found herself on her back on the other side of the room. The sound of paper crunching under her was all that she heard, before the door slammed.  The familiar tick of a lock followed shortly. 

      “BEN!” she screamed through the door.  He stood outside it, hoping she would understand.  He just couldn’t have her getting in his way.  This was his last chance.

 

 


	5. Impulse

Chapter 5 Impulse

Kylo Ren stormed through the halls. His legs took giant steps toward the control room. He pushed down the lingering feeling of her lips on his. Her body on his. Her hands in his hair. Kylo shook his head. 

As he re-entered the control room, Hux appeared disgruntled and furiously irritated at Kylo. He turned to Ren with his arms behind his back and barked, “Where have you been? The girl…she used her mind tricks on me. I presume you took care of her.” 

“The girl will not be a problem any longer,” Kylo said, with a hint of sadness in his tone.

“I would think not! The entire fleet has been sitting here waiting on your orders,” he hissed in his usual disrespectful tone. 

Kylo hardened, “They will wait until I say so. Be it minutes or days, your men will stand at the ready until I decide it’s time.”

Hux was obviously not happy with this response, but in fear he muttered, “Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“We will strike at daybreak. I want them to awake.”

“Sir, that’s not for another thirty minutes…”

“You will wait.”

Hux resigned, and turned to his intercom, “Hold the fleet until sunlight touches the city of Bungote. I will give the orders at that time.”

The command echoed through the shuttle reaching every ear, including Rey. She jumped at the sudden noise, looking up from the door-lock panel that she had been fiddling with. Her brief distraction caused her to accidentally get herself shocked by the system. 

“Ouch…son of an Ewok…” 

Shaking off the pain, she honed back in on her project. She moved wires around rapidly, reprogramming it as quickly as she could. A sudden “ding” rewarded her with an open door. 

This was her chance. She had no plan, but she needed to do something. Her feet moved faster than her head as she barreled through the hallways of the Finalizer. She sent troopers slamming against the wall, and tried to recall where her landing site had been. 

She spotted it on her right, but couldn’t stop herself fast enough. Rey slid across the polished floor and peered around the corner. She wanted the biggest ship available, but the airlock was barren. The only thing she could see was his Tie Silencer. She knew it would be extremely fast. However, she didn’t know how many trips she would be able to take before he stopped her. 

Stormtroopers approached the flight bay, coming up behind her. She willed the force against them, and sent each one flying backward on top of each other. It was then that her plan became clear. 

Rey’s feet moved underneath her, propelling her towards his ship. She hurled herself into it, effortlessly. Settling into the large pilot’s chair, she began familiarizing herself with the controls. It took her a few seconds to get the vessel running, but once she did, lifting off felt natural. It was as if she had flown this ship for years. 

“NO!” She heard Ben’s scream through their bond as he finally came to realize what had happened. 

The ship took off, escaping the shuttle as she muttered, “Sorry, Kylo Ren. This is just something I have to do.” 

Hux was staring at the Supreme Leader with a mixture of fear and judgment. He had just yelled at an entire control room for no known reason. Shaking, Kylo Ren gripped his lightsaber, begging for a reason to use it. Hux knew better than to provoke him. 

Kylo pointed through the front window right as the Tie Silencer flew in sight of them, “THERE!”

Hux’s eyes widened at the sight of Kylo Ren’s ship without its regular pilot. 

“WHO IS-”

“Rey…” Kylo growled.

“The scavenger girl? I thought you said you took care of her!”

Just then, Kylo let out a roar, “DROP THOSE BOMBS, NOW!”

Hux repeated the orders into his intercom. Rey watched as the bombers moved in on the planet, and she urged the Silencer to move faster. A familiar whoosh followed by the sounds of exploding metal reminded her that she was not alone. The Millenium Falcon was weaving in between bombers as they began their attack. 

“Supreme Leader, the ‘piece of junk’ as you called it has just destroyed one of our bombers. Would you like me to take care of it?”

“No. I need those bombs released before my ship reaches Bungote,” he said with the fire of another exploding bomber in his eyes. 

“Sir, I hardly think your precious ship is that important right now,” Hux implored. 

Kylo’s hand rose, using the force to crush his windpipe. “I hardly think your opinions are that important right now.” 

Between his labored breathing Hux begged, “Yes, sir…I’m…sorry, sir…” Releasing him, Kylo watched him fall to his knees to catch his breath. He climbed off of the floor and spoke more urgently into the intercom. “Faster!”

The bombers took their positions above Bungote, their hangers opening. Rey was nearly there, but she knew that she would never reach them in time. Kylo watched intensely as he came to the same conclusion. The bombs began falling from their ships in a cascade of metal terror. He smirked to himself, certain that he had finally succeeded. 

Rey brought the Silencer to a stop, and letting go of the controls, closed her eyes. The world around her disappeared, and she soaked in the darkness. Blindness gave her a new perspective. She could feel the ship. It was very slowly being pulled by the gravity of the planet. The heat of the engine died off. The nothingness between her and the bombs brought everything to creeping a halt. Time slowed down in this moment, and Rey felt an overwhelming peace through it all. She located each bomb with her heightened senses, and pushed out with that peace. With the force. 

She screamed under the weight of this task, pushing the bombs and herself harder than she had ever before. Her body stiffened and cried under the strain. Her mind felt like it would explode under the pressure. She felt Kylo Ren’s rage as he watched her change the bombs direction. She pushed even harder under this anger. 

Suddenly, time resumed as normal. The world became dim, and she felt the Silencer drifting ever faster towards Ashbantha. She knew that she had shifted the direction of the bombs enough to save the city, and that it would be the last thing she would ever do. 

Ben watched his ship as all hope began to fade. He closed his own eyes, and willed the silencer to slow. His ship, which carried the most precious cargo, responded, but he was too late. There was no way to completely stop it now. Ben pulled even harder on the ship, hoping to slow it enough to save her.  
The slam of the ship on the ground rocked him. It skidded across the terrain, creating a trench in the land. He felt everything. Her forehead being sliced open by a piece of glass. The rocks that had entered the ship, battering her everywhere. The ship taking one last barrel roll before landing in a heaping mess.  
Finally he opened his eyes, as the Millennium Falcon soared towards her. The bombs making contact in the middle of nowhere sent him over the edge. Tears flooded his eyes. He could feel her pain, but she was still barely alive. 

“Sir?”

“Stand down.”

“But, the rebels-”

“Stand…down…”

Hux leaned into his intercom at Kylo’s command. “We are done here,” was all he said. 

Ben wanted nothing more than to go to her. He wanted to pry that ship apart with his bare hands, and pull her out of the wreckage. Wracking his brain for options, he collapsed. His knees hit the ground hard as the weight of the world crushed him. 

He reached out with the force, hoping to give her some sort of sign to stay with him. Instead, he was returned with agonizing pain. His forehead felt like it had been sliced to the bone. He could feel his bones broken in multiple places, and his right arm was burning. The ship had caught fire. Flames were tenderly making its way along his elbow, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. 

The tears were flowing freely down his cheeks as he suffered her torment. With a broken soul, Ben looked around as his crew avoided eye contact. 

Hux reluctantly turned to him, “Supreme Leader, our bombers are all back on board. Are we staying to wipe out the rebels’ ship?”

Ben felt her being lifted out of the wreckage, and carried towards the Millenium Falcon. He released his connection, unable to be a part of this anymore. His eyes searched the floor, as he said, “No. We’ve done enough. We are leaving.”

“But, Sir…”

Kylo feebly raised his hand, threatening to use his gift against him once again, “That’s enough, Hux. Prepare for a jump.”

He hesitated before responding through gritted teeth, “Fine.”

Ben was weak from the exertion. He began to question if this was all even worth it, when suddenly he looked up and was on the Millenium Falcon again. He was in her room. Still on his knees, he was no longer a part of Rey. The force bond had opened, giving him unrelenting access to the most heartbreaking view.  
He was watching her being haphazardly taken care of by the crew. He winced as he watched them pour water on her wounds, trying to clean them as best they could. He gawked at the way they handled her, knowing they had no idea that she had broken bones. He ached to be there, reassuring her that it was going to be okay, whether she was conscious enough to hear it or not. 

His voice caught in his throat, which was probably a good thing. Ben had forgotten that he was still kneeling in the control room. His mind whirled under the notion that her improper care could possibly lead to her death. 

So lost in the despair of the painful display, he was caught off-guard when her lips parted with the gentlest sound escaping her lips, “…Ben…”

“Sssh!” Leia’s motioned everyone to stop. She leaned in close to Rey, “What did you say?” 

Rey was still unconscious. Somehow she had still sensed him there, and in turn announced his presence. Ben was frozen. His tongue felt swollen, and his legs had gone numb from the kneeling. Even through the familiar feeling of his own world hurling itself to lightspeed, he couldn’t move. He could barely see her now through the mass of people and his own blurred vision. 

Leia commanded, “Leave. Everybody.”

Poe looked horrified, “General-“

Finn completed his thought, “We can’t just leave her!”

“You will do as I say. Go.” 

Everyone reluctantly shuffled out, walking effortlessly through Ben. He didn’t flinch at the bodies passing through him. He did, however, when he heard Leia’s voice call to him with a stern, “Ben Lucas Solo.” 

He lifted his eyes to look at his mother. She couldn’t find him, but she spoke to the room, “I don’t know why you are here, but I feel your heart. Your radiant star of a heart.” Ben could tell she had rehearsed this. She had been waiting for this very moment. She continued, “My son, you are all I have left. Please…” Leia choked, and pressed her lips together. Unable to continue, tears began to fall from her tired eyes. There was so much more she wanted to say, but couldn’t bring herself to do so. 

It was the first time Ben had ever seen her cry. He had felt her sadness through their bond many times, but the sight of this gentle plea made him look away. He lowered his eyes, unable to watch her pain. Worse than that was when he realized that suddenly he had shifted. The dark polished floor of the Star Destroyer had replaced the dirty old one of the Millennium Falcon. 

He snapped his head back up, hoping to still see Rey, but she was gone. A hollow feeling crept into him and settled. It was deeper and more pronounced than he had ever experienced. 

The control room was still full of people. He pulled himself off of the ground, stumbling a bit on his way up. He straightened up, and noticed that no one was paying any attention to him. He was grateful, but surprised. He must have looked insane, sitting on the floor staring into space for that long. He wondered if they were intentionally avoiding looking at him.

Without saying a word, he began to make his way back to his quarters. His heart was breaking as his full name echoed through the empty parts of him. The hollowed out pit intensified by her genuine plea. The type of plea he knew all too well. He was reminded of Snoke’s ship and of his own sincere version.  
He turned the corner, and his breath caught. His room was different. This was where her lips had changed his life. Ben fell into the chair in front of his desk. It was all too much for him to take in, and so he did the only thing he knew to do.  
Ben wrote.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I have 28 chapters written that I will be posting as I go back and re-edit them. Please shoot me a comment with love or constructive criticism or jokes. Whatever you feel like! I appreciate you!


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